I now officially have 14 weeks and 3 days left until my surgery. I talked to my doctors office yesterday and they told me that the surgery is scheduled for April 20. So that means the countdown has officially begun. 14 weeks and 3 days....that both terrifies and relieves me. Does that make sense? It terrifies me in the sense that ITS ACTUALLY REAL! It's not some made up "What if" situation in my head. This is actually happening. The ball has started rolling and I can't stop it. This is my reality, I am losing my breasts in 14 weeks and 3 days.
On the other hand, it relieves me because there is now an end in sight. Even though the ball has started rolling, I can see the bottom of the hill (I'm so metaphorical for someone who just spent the day at school, but more on that later). So that makes me feel good. It's so weird I have so many conflicting emotions, I really feel like two different people. I looked back at some previous posts and I was thinking "Good Lord I sound like a nut" I literally have to hit submit as soon as I finish typing, or else I'll go back and edit something out. I want this blog to be as truthful about my feelings as possible. One, because it helps me to be able to get my feelings and thoughts out and forces me to put words to them. Two, because maybe someone reading this is considering the same procedure. I want to give as honest as an account as possible.
On a different note, I started back to school Thursday. And I spent all day (well from 10:30-4:15) there today. And yes, today is Saturday. I get to take A&P 2 lecture and lab (anatomy and physiology). back to back. As much as I was dreading it, it didn't suck near as bad as I thought. I actually enjoy the class and the people in it were great and made the whole day fun. So maybe it won't be as traumatic as an experience as I first thought. Although, don't get me wrong I'd much rather not have school on Saturday, but I'm ok with this. =)
Well they are predicting snow tomorrow night. I've heard 3-6 inches and then I've heard 6-8 inches. But I've lived here my whole life and know that when people get all excited like that, nothing usually happens.
We will see!
Michelle
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Once again, it's time for SCHOOL
So my first day back at school was today. I forgot how hard it was to get up before 6 AM. I've enjoyed sleeping until 6:30 AM every week day! My class that I went to today should be interesting...Spritual Aspects of Care. It will be cool to learn all of the different religions and their beliefs and customs regarding health care. Then, Saturday is my "fun day." Instead of hanging out and doing what I want to do (Zumba, Shop, Sleep, etc) I get to be in AP 2 (Anatomy and Physiolgy 2) from 10:15-4 pm. AHHHH!!!! But I will survive :)
One thing that is CONSTANTLY on my mind now is the fact that April is not that far away. As I was sitting in class today, I was thinking that before I know it this class will be over and I'll be ready to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Sometimes I find myself thinking ,"What in the world are you thinking????? They are your BREASTS. Are you stupid???" But then I quickly remember that if I didn't go through with the surgery that in a few months time I'd be starting the vicious cycle all over again...mammogram, ultrasound, core biopsy, excissional biopsy. And I wouldn't be so lucky and I would hear I had cancer. Then I'd have to live with myself, knowing I could have prevented it. So I know I'm doing the right thing by having the surgery.
Starting this blog, I didn't know how people would react to me announcing that I'm having a PBM. Prophlaytic surgery of any kind is perceived by some as being such a drastic, unneccessary procedure. I was all ready to yell at people to take a walk in my shoes. But luckily, everyone has been sooo supportive and understanding. I've gotten nothing but positive feedback and for that I'm eternally grateful. More than anyone could ever know. I've seen so many posts on the FORCE message boards from women who have gotten the completely opposite reaction from people. So, I know I'm one of the lucky ones.
I should have a date for my surgery soon. Until then, I suppose I'll concentrate on my school work, gym time, work and everything else. :)
Michelle
One thing that is CONSTANTLY on my mind now is the fact that April is not that far away. As I was sitting in class today, I was thinking that before I know it this class will be over and I'll be ready to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Sometimes I find myself thinking ,"What in the world are you thinking????? They are your BREASTS. Are you stupid???" But then I quickly remember that if I didn't go through with the surgery that in a few months time I'd be starting the vicious cycle all over again...mammogram, ultrasound, core biopsy, excissional biopsy. And I wouldn't be so lucky and I would hear I had cancer. Then I'd have to live with myself, knowing I could have prevented it. So I know I'm doing the right thing by having the surgery.
Starting this blog, I didn't know how people would react to me announcing that I'm having a PBM. Prophlaytic surgery of any kind is perceived by some as being such a drastic, unneccessary procedure. I was all ready to yell at people to take a walk in my shoes. But luckily, everyone has been sooo supportive and understanding. I've gotten nothing but positive feedback and for that I'm eternally grateful. More than anyone could ever know. I've seen so many posts on the FORCE message boards from women who have gotten the completely opposite reaction from people. So, I know I'm one of the lucky ones.
I should have a date for my surgery soon. Until then, I suppose I'll concentrate on my school work, gym time, work and everything else. :)
Michelle
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year!
I cannot believe that it's 2011! It seems like we were celebrating the new millenium just yesterday, not 11 years ago. Time is going by so fast. When I think about it, that's both a scary and a good thing. It's scary becaue that means that April will be here before I know it. And it's also good because it'll be over before I know it. Does that make sense? I'm both scared of having the surgery get here to being ready to have it over.
One the girls who writes a blog on my blog list (Rachel at http://www.losingtheboobs.blogspot.com/) had her PBM in April 2010 and was done with the whole process in December 2010. That really helpd me a lot because I feel like that gives me a good time frame with how everything will progress and how long it will take. So thanks Rachel =)
Now that I really think about it I do have a few New Years Resolutions. I figure I'd share them with here. Think of this as my top 5 resolutions.
1- I think I mentioned it in a previous blog but I want to handle my PBM with as much grace and courage as possible. I also want to add some humor into it! I want it to be as easy and painless (figuratively and literally speaking) as possible!
2-I want to be a better person in 2011. I can't really pinpoint a specific fault I want to change (do I have one? Just kidding =) ) I just want to be the type of person that people look at it and think "I want to be like her!"
3- I want to make an A in one of my classes this semester. I'm not picky, I just want one! An A has managed to elude me so far in nursing school.
4- I've mentioned this before but I want to get in better shape and lose more weight. I mean c'mon that's got to be a resolution right? It's like a MUST to have a weight-related resolution.
5-I want to help others! I really think that God had me survive all of this medical craziness for a reason, and I want to use my experiences to help other people.
So there you have it, my list of resolutions. I may not keep them all but when I look back at 2011 this time next year, new boobs and all, I want to be able to say at least I gave it my best shot.
Michelle
One the girls who writes a blog on my blog list (Rachel at http://www.losingtheboobs.blogspot.com/) had her PBM in April 2010 and was done with the whole process in December 2010. That really helpd me a lot because I feel like that gives me a good time frame with how everything will progress and how long it will take. So thanks Rachel =)
Now that I really think about it I do have a few New Years Resolutions. I figure I'd share them with here. Think of this as my top 5 resolutions.
1- I think I mentioned it in a previous blog but I want to handle my PBM with as much grace and courage as possible. I also want to add some humor into it! I want it to be as easy and painless (figuratively and literally speaking) as possible!
2-I want to be a better person in 2011. I can't really pinpoint a specific fault I want to change (do I have one? Just kidding =) ) I just want to be the type of person that people look at it and think "I want to be like her!"
3- I want to make an A in one of my classes this semester. I'm not picky, I just want one! An A has managed to elude me so far in nursing school.
4- I've mentioned this before but I want to get in better shape and lose more weight. I mean c'mon that's got to be a resolution right? It's like a MUST to have a weight-related resolution.
5-I want to help others! I really think that God had me survive all of this medical craziness for a reason, and I want to use my experiences to help other people.
So there you have it, my list of resolutions. I may not keep them all but when I look back at 2011 this time next year, new boobs and all, I want to be able to say at least I gave it my best shot.
Michelle
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