In case I forgot.....

I know a lot of time has passed since my last blog. Well a lot of time for me, who feels the compulsive need to share every detail that's going on in my jumbled head. Somehow, in the weeks following my exchange surgery, I changed. I saw my PS 6 days after, she pronounced me fine and scheduled an appointment for a follow up at the end of April and we'd start discussing fipples. So, I put my new foobs in the back of my head and proceeded in my busy schedule. 2012 is going to be a big year for me. I've got clinicals starting in September, my first summer trimester I've ever had to go to school, I've got to save up money for the summer trimester since I'm about 95% sure Finanical Aid won't pay so for the first time in my life I'm actually becoming semi-responsible with my money. (Which translates into me not making a bee-line for the Coach store when my tax refund came in). I've got my 10 year high school reunion in August (dear Lord, I'm old) and my sister's wedding in June. Not to mention the fact I do want to try to go to the national FORCE conference in Orlando in October, on top of starting the FORCE group in Memphis. WHEW! I'm exhausted just typing it!

It's no wonder that I came down with a cold last week. Since I get free health services from UT (the med school next to my school) I went to the doctor there. The meds he gave me really helped, so I was a little surprised when this past Friday I started to feel bad. I tried to put it to the back of my mind, and just drank an extra cup of coffee and took some cold medicine. By Friday around 4 pm, right when my break at work was scheduled I happened  to brush against my left foob as  I was moving my hands. Uh-oh....I could feel heat radiating through my shirt.

I hurriedly raced to the bathroom and lifted my shirt up and nearly burst into tears. My left foob had a very noticeable area of pinkness at the bottom that was hot to the touch. I reached for my phone and called the PS office and spoke with the nurse. I explained what had happened and she asked me to text her pictures of my foob. I took her cell number down and had the fleeting thought that this was the first time in my life I had ever snapped topless photos of myself and texted them to someone.

She called me back, told me not to worry, and that she was calling me in some Levaquin. I went back to work, but was feeling increasingly worse. On my lunch break I went and picked up my Levaquin and stopped to get dinner. I could barely eat, but I took the Levaquin and went back to work. Thirty minutes later I was shaking badly, hot, had a headache and was nauseated. I called into my supervisor to let them know I was logging out. I think I freaked Mike out a little who kept asking me if I needed to go to the hospital. I told him I was taking a shower and going to bed (this was at 7:20)

I slept fitfully that night and didn't feel too much better when I woke up. I was scheduled to work at 2:00 pm and had planned on staying in bed until then. Mike left for work, telling me to call him if I got sicker. About 30 minutes later I went into the bathroom and cautiously lifted up my shirt.

Holy crap.

My left foob was almost completely pink, and swollen to about twice the size of my right foob. It felt almost constricting, like someone was squeezing my implant. I didn't want to call the on-call doctor right away, because I knew what the response would be. The nurse had given me her cell phone number and told me to call or text with problems. I texted her to tell her what was happening and she replied saying she'd call my PS. The nurse called and advised me to call the on-call doctor. So I did, and I got the answer I knew I would. Go to the ER. The doctor then told me that he was going to check my infection out, get me on IV antibiotics, and I should come prepared for him to admit me. Fantastic. My gut reaction was "I don't have time for this!" but I just said ok and called Mike to let him know. I told him to stay at work and that I'd get my Mom to take me to the hospital. I called my mom and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Hey what are you doing?
Mom: Just got out of the shower.
Me: Well do you have any plans today?
Mom: Not really, why?
Me: Well can you take me to the hospital?
Mom: Ok I'll be there as soon as I get ready.

Now, granted most people would immediately start freaking out wanting to know why you were having to go to the hospital and wondering if you should go via ambulance.  But my parents have gone around this block plenty of times and I'm beginning to think a phone call like this is expected of me every now and then..

My Mom took me to the ER which surprisingly had an empty waiting room so we were taken straight back. I got examined by the ER doctor and then the on-call PS who had said he'd meet me there. He said I needed to be on IV antibiotics and that he'd admit me. Then he said he'd consult with an infectious disease doctor and let him decide whether I needed to go home with a picc line or what. He also said that by Monday they'd be able to see if I was responding well to the IV antibiotics or if I needed surgery. They took blood, and determined my white blood cell count was 18,000 (normal is 10,000-11,000) It was official- I had an infection.

I was hoping to go home Monday, since it was determined that I didn't need surgery and was responding well to the antibiotics. The infectious disease doctor also said I could go home on oral antibiotics instead of a picc line. Which I almost cried from relief when I heard that- to me a picc line is too much like getting chemo which I had hoped to avoid by having a PBM. When my PS (who was back in town and said that she was glad she didn't see my foob when it was bad because she would've cried) came in Monday, she said she'd let me go home in 12-24 hours after speaking with the other doctor.

Now as a side note I'd like to point out that Tuesday was Valentines Day. Mike and I had reservations at a wonderful restuarant and I had a pretty dress and was SO excited about it. I'd also like to point out that while I'm not a complete sap, I do appreciate a little romance so I love Valentines Day.

However when my PS came in Tuesday afternoon, she noticed two spots on my left foob, that were pitting slightly and still red. Almost apologetically she said "Will you kill me if I keep you in here another day?" when I reluctantly agreed, she told me she was ever impressed with my hope and my attitude about all of this. She told me that if it was her in my position she'd be a nervous wreck but that I take everything in stride. I just said "Thank you" because that kind of talk embarrasses me. I don't really think of myself as being that strong...I just see it as dealing with what God has given me! But I do want to be an inspiration and support to others, so maybe I'm headed in the right direction.

And I will say that while I didn't get to wear my dress, or eat in a fancy restuarant, my barbeque dinner from my favorite barbeque restuarant in my pjs and the candy and flowers made my day. I do love my boyfriend :)

I finally got discharged Wednesday afternoon, which brought my total days in the hospital to 5. I was given a very high powered oral antibiotic and nausea medicine (because antibiotics make me feel like my intestines are on fire). I'm glad to say that the spots are clearing and the swelling is gone. I talked to the PS today to give her the good news and am going to see her Wednesday. I'm going back to work tomorrow and back to school Tuesday. Life goes on I suppose.

Except.....there's a chance....a possibility....that the antibiotics are just suprressing the infection. If I finish my round of meds and the infection comes back, surgery becomes neccessary. And get this- when I have surgery they wait until I'm opened up to make the decision to a) wash the implant and the pocket really well, place a drain to get any infected fluid and hope for the best or b) replace the implant with an expander, place a drain, begin to fill it up, wait 3 months and exchange for another implant. Does that sound familiar? Yep-start ALL over.  And the kicker is that I wouldn't know what they were going to do until I woke up. Crazy psychological freak out.

Until then I'm going to try and go about my daily business and take my medicine, say my prayers, eat my Wheaties, blah blah. There will be lots of candles lit between now and then! I'm going to TRY to push this whole mess out of my mind until I know what's going to happen,

Lent starts this Wednesday and if I could give up thinking about my mastectomy and subsequent complications I would. Even though I know that's not possible, I have a feeling my Pathophysiology class is willing to try to keep me occupied ;)

All Done?

Well it's official. I am done with expanders and on Tuesday I got my nice squishy implants! I would have posted before now, but my arms were so dang sore from the lipo! (Yes my PS graciously did lipo to get rid of the fat pockets that had accumulated under each arm since my PBM). The exchange surgery was definetely easier than any other surgery I'd had related to my foobs.

Mike and I were supposed to get to the outpatient surgery center at 7:30 am..I say supposed to because we didn't arrive until 7:50. Still we didn't wait very long until we were ushered back to the pre-op room. They started the IV and gave Mike some directions. Surgery was supposed to start at 9:00 am and at a little after 9:00, Dr Cooper and the pre-op nurse and anthesia team came back to talk. The nurse anthetist (???) gave me a shot of "happy juice" as we were going back to the OR. Of course, this whole time the pre op nurse is asking questions about me being in nursing school, and I really can't tell you the answers I gave her! Soon after we got in the OR, they do that sneaky move where the nurse gets you to breathe oxygen  and the anthesiologist sneaks behind and shoots the meds into your IV and it's lights out.

When I gradually came to in the recovery room, my underarms HURT. And so did my throat. 2 days later and I still have a scratchy throat..I hope it goes away soon. I was so tired in the recovery room. I kept drifting off to sleep and barely remember Mike coming back to get me. I was even too tired to get embarrassed over the experience of being dressed by the recovery room nurse.

**Sidenote- I did notice later the nurse put my underwear on backwards. LOL**

I think I may have fallen asleep in the car. At least I don't remember half of it! Mike dropped me off in the recliner with jello and some bottled water while he went to Kroger to get my prescriptions and me some soup. I ate three bites and had to take a nap. I swear, the older I get, the more anethesia wears me out!

All in all, the pain wasn't bad. I felt some pain in the incisions but I was the most sore in my underarm area. I didn't even think of trying to touch my new foobs until later that day. When I finally did, they were so squishy! And I know they'll soften even more over the next few months. And they MOVE too. They're not completely immobile like expanders. If I turn, they turn with me. They'll squeeze together and aren't under my armpits. All in all they are a million times better than the dumb expanders!

Now, it finally comes time to decide- nipples or no nipples? And if I decide on nipples, do I get them done now or wait? Am I really ALL DONE??

Only time will tell :)

PS As far as the issue in my last post, still working on it. I'll post the outcome when I get it resolved!