Right now, life doesn't have too many good times for me. Well I take that back- there are good times, it's just hidden in all of that stress so that I can't see it. Let me explain what I mean.
1- I am not happy with my current job. I'm just not. I don't feel like it's a good fit for me on many different levels so I'm just plain not happy there. People may say "Well you should feel blessed to have a job" and I do! I just feel like everyone should at least be happy on some level with the job that they have. Which I, most certainly am not.
2- I have no money. None. Zip. Zero. Nada. You get the picture. This probably feeds into problem number 1. Now I know every college student has the same problem. Spaghetti-o's and ramen noodles for meals and second hand clothes. I get it. But right now...I have the last two tuition payments to make and no idea how I'll make them. Fantastic. Do you know what it's like to get a knot in your stomach everytime you think of something?? I wish I had a talent that people would pay me for. You know, some people sell things they craft, some people sell things they sew, some people teach lessons, like piano on the side. Me? I got nothing. Unless someone wants to pay me to have surgery. Because that I have down to an art form. Which brings me to number three...
3- I am terrified I'll have another health problem. Like my Cowden's is the little monster hiding around the corner just waiting to spring out and get me. (Is that a sad analogy or what?) I'm seriously waiting to get another infection in my implant, have brain surgery again, or have something wrong with my thyroid. That's crazy thinking I know but it's how I think. I'm almost scared to live my life because I'm too worried about what will happen.
Now granted I am thankful for things too. But I'm not in the mood right now to dwell on THAT (Because that'd be logical). I guess just one day at a time, say my prayers, take my vitamins, blah blah. I always think of Dory in Finding Nemo "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming"
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