Happy Boob-a-versy!

YES! I have FINALLY made it one year since my PBM! And thanks to stupid leap year, the ticker on my blog reads 366 days since my surgery ;)

Some people might think it's silly to even remember this. I mean for my other surgeries I didn't even acknowledge the fact that anniversaries had come and gone. All of a sudden I look up and it's been almost 10 years since I was first diagnosed with a brain tumor.

But this is different. This was really and truly a life CHANGING and a life SAVING surgery. I didn't have to have this surgery. But I did, and I'm SO happy that I did. So I'm not necessarily dwelling on the past, but looking forward to the future. Because thanks to my PBM I have a nice, long future to be thinking on!

When I say it's a life-changing surgery, I mean I'm not the same person I was before I had the surgery. Essentially, I am but I feel like this has matured me more than I could imagine. (Not saying I was necessarily immature before but you get the idea). I know what I'm capable of now. I know how to get what I want. So, in a way, I think it was fitting for me to get a new job after I recovered. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love everyone I used to work with. It was just time to move on. I didn't feel like I could any longer be the happy, carefree, silly person I was before. Not that I'm bitter now, but just....different. Also, I realized how badly I want a career in nursing. So much so that I'm willing to put school before everything else. Before, I wasn't. Now I have one goal- to finish school.

I've also made mention of having low self confidence now. I really am trying to get that back. I'm back to eating healthy and working out. (I really did let myself go for awhile). I've also started taking salsa dancing lessons Some people don't understand it, but I love it! And you practically can't do salsa unless you're confident. I've noticed people who are good at it, exude confidence. So that's what I'm striving for. Also, I'm sure Dr. Sorenson would be perfectly alright with me doing anything that will keep my balance and coordination sharp :)

I'm currently on a break from school, which feels GLORIOUS! I've got to schedule another appointment with Dr. Cooper before I go back to school, and I have a feeling she'll be very pleased with how I'm doing. Our first FORCE meeting is April 30, and then it's school, school, school for awhile!

I've made it through this first year, post-boobies. Can't wait to see what the next year brings!

Numb no more

A habit of mine is to idly scratch my chest while I'm thinking. I know it sounds weird, but I've always done it. I've grown accustomed to not feeling anything anywhere near my foobs so that makes it even more of a mindless move. But wait.. hold the phone. Was that FEELING? I felt myself scratching. I immediately grabbed something to scratch with and test out the feeling, thinking it may have been a fluke.

But it wasn't.

Holy toledo Batman, we have sensation!

Now granted it was nowhere near the center of my foob. But it was there! Now, most of you normal people out there are probably reading this saying "Why in the world is this crazy person so excited about feeling something?"

Because, my dear Watson, it's as simple as this- when you have a PBM you lose everything. Not just your breasts, not just your nipples, your feeling goes right along with it. I knew some would eventually come back but it wouldn't be near what it was pre-PBM. It never is. But, this is a step in the right direction. And yes I'm aware that I'll probably not get anymore sensation. I'm just excited that this little thing- these SENSATIONAL SENSATIONS make me take another step towards feeling normal again. (and yes I'm a little on the cheesy side. It's been a long day)

I cannot believe it's been almost a year since my PBM. We past the anniversary of Granny's death and now my PBM anniversary is right around the corner. And OH YES there will be a celebration of some sort (it conveniently falls on Mike's off day)

I'm still struggling with self confidence issues. That's only normal I know, but I need to get my swagger back! I'm convinced everything I fall short on or anything bad that happens is due to me having foobs instead of breasts. And yes I been EVERYTHING...if I fail a test, it's because of my foobs. And yes I'm aware that makes no sense. One of these days it'll come back to me, before I scare everyone off....

Glitz, Glamour, and Giuliana's Mastectomy

Unless you've been living under a rock recently, I'm sure you've heard about Giuilana Ranic's breast cancer diagnosis and subsequent mastectomy. Let me first say, she is a beautiful woman and I'm so sorry she had to go through that diagnosis. I wish her nothing but the best from here on out. I'm so glad I was never in her shoes, and I never had to go through getting that scary BC diagnosis thrown around.

I finally opened my issue of Glamour today and saw that there was a story titled "Diary of a Mastectomy" by Bill and Giuiliana Rancic. Hmm...this should be interesting. You can read the story here :

Diary of a Mastectomy

All in all, I thought it was a good story. Kudos to her, and she gets mad props for putting her journey out there. Except...it really wasn't. I had some issues with several parts of the story. For instance, it never said WHAT type of reconstruction she had. Did she had one-step direct to implants? lat flap? DIEP? tissue expanders to impants? SGAP? She says in the story that she went back to work 2 weeks later, schmoozing it up with Ryan Seacrest and giving interviews to George Clooney. Two weeks after MY mastectomy I wouldn't have gone with 100 miles of Clooney. No way.

I did like how she admitted that she wasn't all that educated about mastectomies and breast cancer and learned that it's not as super scary and wasn't the death sentence that she thought. I like that she talks about how she flip flopped about the decision. I also like how supportive her husband was in going through it with her. I think it was great that she was honest about how she felt when she woke up, and how apprenhensive she was about getting out of bed.  And I liked that she put a picture of herself right after surgery.

However, I felt that some of it was played up a bit. Like when she refers to her drains as "a feeling like there are knives stabbing you from the inside. They hurt so bad." Well...they really don't. Yeah they SUCK. Literally and figuratively. And it's awakard trying to move around with them, and sometimes they can start to tug and pull when they get caught on something. But knives stabbing you from the inside?

One part of the article I really had a problem with was when she mentioned reading a lot of blogs (could she have stumbled upon this one? :) ) but then said that Bill stopped her. He jumped in to say that the internet was "full of women who were giving medical advice who had no right to be."

Well! Mr. Rancic THAT was NEVER my intention! But let me put forth a disclaimer right now- This blog is no way medical advice. I'm merely putting out my story in hopes that it will help someone else. So, yes I did get a teensy bit offended by that comment.

Like I said, all in all I think she did a good thing by putting her story out there. But I think it may have been a tad more realistic.

The moral of the story is that no two journeys are alike. Some people may glide through the process like Giuliana. Others may stumble along, and end up crawling when they get to the end of the road. But, the main thing to remember is that you will get through it.