PREVIVOR: A person who is not diagnosed with cancer, but has survived the predisposition, or higher risk, of cancer due to a genetic mutation and/or strong family history. After being armed with this information, a previvor can make informed choices prior to a cancer diagnosis.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Two Months

So I'm sitting here writing my paper on the book of Job for my Religion class, and I see that today is February 20. So two months from TODAY I'll probably be in surgery at this time. Or in Recovery. Either way, it's getting SO close! I'm almost to the point where I'm ready to get it over with. (Did you catch where I'm using the blog to procrastinate on my school work? =) )

I visited with my grandmother today. She is at the point in hospice where she is beginning to make plans for her funeral. Out of the blue, she started asking me about song choices and length of service, etc etc. She fell quiet for a second and asks "What do you think they'll say about me?" I wasn't entirely sure how to respond so I said "What do you think they'll say?" (A trick I've picked up teaching kids at church. When I don't know how to answer a question, I'll turn it around on them. HA) She said she hoped everyone would say that she was a good person, who loved everyone and tried to accept everyone and who was always ready for a laugh. She got quiet again and then looked up and said "Would you give my eulogy?" I think my heart may have stopped for a second and I was speechless (Anyone who knows me KNOWS this is an amazing feat) Finally I said "Well sure, you know me. I love being in the center of attention" Just to make her laugh and lighten the conversation. She then says "Well it really only needs to be about 3 minutes long. You don't want to take up the whole service" (She knows me too well) I assured her I wouldn't steal the preacher's thunder. Her only other request is that I not be "sad faced" when I did it.

I honestly don't know what to think about this request. I'm both touched that she asked and terrified of doing it. Over the next few weeks, I'm going to try to get SOMETHING together, so that when the time comes, I won't be scrambling around trying to prepare. She looked so serious about me doing it, that I have to do it.

Seeing what she's going through and seeing what my birth mother is going through only cements my decision to have the surgery. I don't want to end up like them. I feel like NOT having the surgery would be almost insulting to what they went through. I know that some people still don't understand why I'm having it. And that's fine. I understand and know why I'm having it. And in two month's time, when I'm groggily waking up from anethesia and it's all over, I know I'll have plenty of supporters both at the hospital and in spirit.And this time next year, I'll have my lovely foobs and one last thing to worry about =)

Now I'm craving Starbucks BAD. I knew this dumb paper wouldn't get finished today!

PS FOOBS= Fake boobs!

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