PREVIVOR: A person who is not diagnosed with cancer, but has survived the predisposition, or higher risk, of cancer due to a genetic mutation and/or strong family history. After being armed with this information, a previvor can make informed choices prior to a cancer diagnosis.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

"We can rebuild her, we can make her stronger"

I always get that the bionic man or the six million dollar man? I can never get it straight. But I definetely feel like the six million dollar woman- you should see my medical bills! Well this is folks, according to my counter I have 11 hours to go until my surgery. WOW! I swear, when I started that countdown clock it was at 100 days. Time FLIES!

I wish I could sum up the way I feel but I can't. I'm sad, scared, nervous, anxious, excited, impatient, etc etc the list goes on. I read so many posts from so many brave women who have gone ahead of me. There's that word again....brave...

I honestly can't wrap my head around the fact that this time tomorrow I'll be DONE (Well with the really hard part anyway..I'll still have the fun of fills and exchange left).

Mike asked me tonight if I'd ever second guessed my decision. And it's weird..I haven't but the one big thing I was (am) scared of is the fear that I'll wake up with intense regret and remorse. It's not like this surgery can be undone. But now I see the pictures of people's foobs, hear the stories of how they are SO happy that they are over this risk, that I think I'll be ok.  I think I'll look better with a smaller chest anyway =)

Once again, I cannot thank everyone for their support enough. It honestly means more to me than anyone will ever know. I don't think I can articulate how much it means to me.

Before she got really sick,  I was able to discuss this decision to have my PBM with my grandmother. She was in full support of it. I can hear her words now, "Why be silly about the whole thing? If you know you'll have to have it done eventually why not just do it and get it over with? There's no use prolonging the whole mess"

Well, this is it. This is officially my last blog until I'm home from the hospital. My blogs until now have been all over the place..but I hope that if anyone is reading this is contemplating this surgery that they'll be able to see a honest picture of how this journey is. But one thing I'm starting to understand is that there IS light at the end of the tunnel. One of the things that was in my goody bag from my co-workers were cards that said "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do with what happens to you." And it's true..bad genes are just part of life. It's part of the hand you were dealt and you DEAL and move on. It is what it is..

Well I'm off to TRY to get some semblance of sleep. What's amazing is that this post won't even get read by some people until after my surgery. I'll post updates as soon as I can

See you on the other side =)



  1. I did not even know you had this website, sis! I am glad I saw your fb post and found it.. Im so proud of the strength you really do have. I doubt I could be as strong in such situations as you have had to deal with.. for forever! I love you soo much and I think you are going to be FABULOUS after tomorrow :) Cant wait to go out and about again and show off the new ones! woo! See you soon. (..I bookmarked your page!) -the black sheep ;)

  2. Can't wait to hear all about it. Prayers for a smooth recovery!