Changes

You know that old song that goes, "Ch-ch-changes" and the rest of the words that I can't remember. That has been stuck in my head for the past couple of hours. Now, mind you I was up at 4 am to travel 9 hours round trip to pick up the MDA kids from camp so I could just be crazed with fatigue. However, the song seems a little appropriate so I'm going to go with it. And since I can't seem to nap even given my long day, you will be forced to read my ramblings on the subject of changes.

Obviously, the biggest change in my life as of late is that I had a PBM. Duh..most people wouldn't be reading this and this blog probably wouldn't exist if it wasn't for that change in my life. Was that change for the good? Yes, it ultimately was. And intellectually I know that. However, with me being stuck smack dab (excuse my southern-ness) in the middle of  the whole process, some days I have trouble accepting that. It's not that I want my old breasts back..it's more that I'm tired of taking my shirt off and seeing one breast in my armpit and all lumpy and one flat side, completely nipple-less and scarred up. I'm also tired of having to stuff my shirt...and worrying about the fake boob falling out or sliding over (which it really does in the gym). And I know that this will all soon be over and I'll be going on with my life, I just need to be patient BLAH BLAH BLAH. Everytime I think of my exchange surgery when I finally get my implants I immediately start singing "Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la" because it'll be CHRISTMAS before it happens. **DEEP BREATH**

Another change in my life is that I recently (like yesterday) resigned from my job at the Great American Homestore. It's something that I put a lot of thought into, and I now know is the right decision for me. I will really miss the friendships that I made and the atmosphere (sometimes) of the office. But, I knew that a) there's no way I'd get to full-time status again, business was just too slow and my job had been perfectly kept up with in 1/2 days. And that's really unacceptable for me to work right now, considering I have a year before I start clinicals and won't be able to hold down a full time job. b) Not that it was verbalized, but I could tell that the idea of me coming back and still having to go through doctor's appointments and surgeries was less than appealing. And I really don't blame them..it is frustrating having to run around and try to cover someone's desk while they glide in and out of work. HOWEVER I tried to make everyone understand that this was a long process anyway, and given complications (which I've had my fair share of) would take even longer. c) when I looked at the school schedule for the Fall, none of the classes I needed were offered at night or at 8 am or on the weekend. They all start after 9 am and go until 11:15 or later. That is just not possible if I were still at GAHS.  and d) As far as missing people- I'm not falling off of the face of the earth. We can still talk, email, phone, Facebook etc. So when this job at Sedgwick CMS presented itself that a) was work  at home b) I made more money c) was full time d) had a more flexible schedule and e) the health insurance and benefits package is so much better than where I'm at now, I knew I had to take it. So I think this will be a good change!

Another change that I think will be a good change is that the MDA camp was moved to Center for Courageous Kids in Scottsville, KY. The kids (and parents) were freaked at first, but after talking to all the kids today it seemed like they had a wonderful time. I think they are going to try to get the camp moved there next year as well. However, it may mean I am unable to be a counselor, since the camp has a live-in staff and isn't in dire need of volunteers. I will definitely try, and if I can't be a counselor, I'll be a bus buddy again or whatever they need. I love MDA and all of the kids so they're not getting rid of me anytime soon :)

There's also some smaller changes happening that will affect a big part of my life :( I can't really elaborate but just know I'm one unhappy girl (right now). I know after reading this, everyone's probably wondering why I'm complaining. Every change I listed is a good one right? Well, it's mainly because I hate change. I am very routine oriented in everything that I do and I don't like to deviate from the routines I already have in place. I find comfort in doing the same thing day in and day out (I know it sounds boring, but it's not as bad as it sounds!) But, sometimes life isn't fair. I've got to accept the changes, hope for the best, and keep moving :)