PREVIVOR: A person who is not diagnosed with cancer, but has survived the predisposition, or higher risk, of cancer due to a genetic mutation and/or strong family history. After being armed with this information, a previvor can make informed choices prior to a cancer diagnosis.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Phantom Pains


Phantom pain sensations are described as perceptions that an individual experiences relating to a limb or an organ that is not physically part of the body. Limb loss is a result of either removal by amputation or congenital limb deficiency (Giummarra et al., 2007). However, phantom limb sensations can also occur following nerve avulsion or spinal cord injury. Sensations are recorded most frequently following the amputation of an arm or a leg, but may also occur following the removal of a breast or an internal organ

I had always heard of this phenomenon but never gave it any thought...until now. I brought this up to my PS on my last visit and she just nodded and agreed that I'd be having them. I'll be sitting here and all of a sudden I'll feel like someone is stabbing me in the chest...and then as soon as I remember that a) my real boobs are gone and b) I wouldn't really be able to feel pain in the foobs I have now, it goes away. But then I start to remember that I used to feel pain in my boobs all the time..and I get a little sad. It'll be a long time, if ever, until I feel anything real again. Don't get me wrong...I still do not regret having the surgery. I knew what I was giving up when I agreed to have it and I decided that it was worth the price. Boob sensation vs. Life??? It's a gimmee...a no brainer!

Still, I think people don't grasp the meaning of NO FEELING. And, yes I'm talking sexual. No nipples + no feeling = no second base. And what fun is baseball with a whole base missing? (And for the sake of any family members who may be reading this, this is the only time I'll refer to anything sexual I promise. I'm just trying to make a point). I've had several people tell me how good my foobs look...and they're funky expander boulder boobs. And they do look pretty sweet. I've got awesome cleavage, they sit exactly where your boobs are supposed to sit, they don't bounce, I don't have to wear a bra, etc etc. But then there's the no feeling thing...and almost the feeling of being left out when everyone else's boobs start to sag. But what can I's tit for tat (no pun intended he he he)

I was really freaked out by the red spot on my right side. My PS and her nurse both said it was probably just tissue damage and bruising due to really thin skin. My PS did put me back on antibiotics (ugh side effects). When I went to see her last week, she looked at it and said for me to make an appointment for the end of the month and to call her at the end of this week. She said that as long as it didn't look worse, we were ok. She said that once I was off of antibiotics, if there were something brewing that was being suppressed by the antibiotics it'd make itself known. She said that as long as it wasn't getting worse, we could talk about my there really a light at the end of the tunnel???

The redness seems to be getting better, so I'm hoping it stays that way after I quit taking the meds. If I lose this expander AGAIN...I may lose my sanity along with it. I'm strong..but I dont know if I'm THAT strong.

This surgery has me looking towards my future. After all, I gave myself a second chance at life..I better not waste it!

On a side note, October has begun, officially kicking off breast cancer awareness month. It's so funny, this year I already have a ton of people just pointing out breast cancer awareness stuff to me. I don't mind...this is apparently going to be my cause.

And on a completely un-boob related note- I get the grade for my second first AP2 test tomorrow (second first..get it? Ok I'm a nerd. But I laugh to keep from crying about the fact that I had to repeat the class). Fingers crossed for a good grade!

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