PREVIVOR: A person who is not diagnosed with cancer, but has survived the predisposition, or higher risk, of cancer due to a genetic mutation and/or strong family history. After being armed with this information, a previvor can make informed choices prior to a cancer diagnosis.

Monday, March 28, 2011

I think I may be slowly losing my mind

For anyone who knows me at all, you know that I love my sleep. I RELISH my sleep. I've been known to take 2-3 hour naps and then sleep a full 8 hours. On the rare occasion that I don't get enough sleep, I'm really not a happy camper. Coffee and 5 hour energy shots get me through the day but I still feel horrible.

For about a week now, I've been having crazy dreams about my surgery...whether directly or indirectly related. Here's the ones I can remember-

1. I'm laying in my own bed after coming home from the hospital. I'm in so much pain and keep yelling for my boyfriend to bring me pain meds. I can't get up on my own because I'm laying flat on my back. I finally reach for my cell phone and call him. He then tells me he's too busy and will bring my meds in his own time. I started sobbing and woke up. TRANSLATION- I was worring about whether to go to my house with Mike or go home to my parents. When I told Mike this he assured me that he would be at my beckon call and I needn't worry.
2. My mom takes me to the hospital the day of surgery and I try to tell her to take my phone and post to my Facebook page that I'm out of surgery so all of my facebook friends will know. She refuses and yells at me that she doesn't know how. Then a nurse sticks her head in the room and says my surgeons are delayed 5 hours. TRANSLATION- I'm really hoping everything goes 100% smoothly the day of surgery. But my sisters told me the thing with mom will probably come true.
3. This has nothing directly to do with surgery. But I thought it was very strange. I am driving down the road and get pulled over by the police. My sister is in the car and starts trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. When I ask the officer why he pulled me over he says that he was pulling me over for expired tags. I said "But thats impossible. My tags don't expire for another month." His reply is "Well ma'am we've started giving tickets just IN CASE your tags become expired. You came up in our database as having let your tags expire last year" TRANSLATION- I was putting my high-risk situation for breast cancer in the most ludicrous terms. I know the surgery is the right thing to do.
4. After surgery Mike saw me with my shirt off. He got up out of bed and shook his head and walked off. TRANSLATION-I think that speaks for itself

When I'm not dreaming crazy dreams, I have restless sleep and wake up feeling like I've just ran a marathon. And I haven't really slept through the night. I honestly feel like I'm slowly losing my mind. Because I haven't slept well, I'm super sensitive about things. I seriously get upset about the smallest things.

Hopefully I'll start feeling better soon. I still have finals to get through. If I don't fail my classes this trimester, I'll count it as a WIN!


  1. I just want to hug you. Clearly your dreams are just the manifestation of your stress and anxiety - and that's to be expected. I don't have an advice for you . . . I just want to hug you :(.

  2. I am 3 weeks out from PBM and I went back to work half time today. The PBM was not bad at all. I had my first fill on 4/4 and it wasn't bad either. You'll do fine, and if you want you'll be able to get out of bed and get your meds yourself. If is not going to be nearly as bad as you are dreaming it will be. You'll do great .. Jo (BRCA2)