Being in nursing school, their are certain theories that are pounded into your head over and over again. Psychological theories that someone developed ages ago that still ring true today. One of them being Kubler-Ross's 5 Stages of Death and Dying. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Kubler- Ross's theory is that everyone goes through these five steps, that this is the way the human mind deals with death, whether it's your own or the death of a loved one. I feel like I have gone through the five stages from the death of my boobs. Now granted, most people who are not in this position might think it's silly to treat removing your breasts as if someone is dying. But in it's own way, a part of me is. To me, breasts are a sign of feminine power. They form your shape, make you look better in clothes, breast feed babies and help you round second base. And there isn't a woman reading this right now who hasn't used her breasts as a good bargaining tool in one way or another. So yes, I feel as if there will be a part of me gone. I have a 27 year old relationship with my breasts...it's going to be hard to warm up to a new pair. They'll be "rebound boobs" if you will.
As attached as I am to my breasts (figuratively and literally), I'm not stupid. I can read the writing on the wall..I know what all of the numbers mean. I know what my risks are and it's almost too great a risk to take. I DO NOT want breast cancer. PERIOD. End of story..... so I know what I have to do. It's not easy, it's not fun, but I'll do it. And I'll do it because it's what has to be done and no one else can do it for me.
Since I'm rapidly approaching my surgery date, and I feel as if I've reached the last stage of Kubler Ross's theory (acceptance), I've decided to do something to celebrate the way I am now. I want to capture my true, natural form, toxic boobies and all. SO I've met with a photographer to have some boudoir pictures taken before my surgery. Nothing too kinky or sexual but a nice, tasteful representation of ME. Something I'll have forever to remind me of how I am now and what I gave up to ensure a longer life. I know that no one knows how and when their time will be up, but breast cancer will not be the end for me. When I look back on the pictures after all of this madness is over, I'll have a great reminder of how I used to be. And while I'll be boobless, I'll be one tough girl with some awesome new foobs and years of breast cancer free life ahead of me.
Love your strength and your sense of humor that goes along with it!
ReplyDeleteIf I had boobies, I would probably use them for evil so I don't blame you one bit. It's more of a nurturing thing any anything else, since men subconsciously connect a woman's boobs with comfort, nutrition, and reinforcing the fact that you are indeed female. On the other hand, there are lots of women who use their boobs and end up taking things way too far. You can rest easily though knowing that karma does have its role...why else would Mardi Gras and Girls Gone Wild videos exist?
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