I GET IT!

Lesson learned....things will not always go the way I want. I have been sufficiently taught this lesson now...so can SOMETHING go the way I want? Sheesh. I won't even begin to go into how my imagined recovery vs. My real recovery has differed. Im trying to grin and bear it..really I am.

It's been six days since I've had my expander out. I'm beginning to see exactly why everyone who didn't have reconstruction said the surgery was so easy. Aside from the initial "Ow, I've been sliced open!" pain, I have literally felt no pain on my right side. My left side however...ouch! Dr. Cooper expanded me pretty aggressively. I know have 750 ccs in my left expander, and aside from the 50 ccs that was filled during my PBM I've only been getting fills for two and a half weeks. When I was at the doctor Friday she asked me if I wanted another fill. I told her a little one, and she filled me 50 ccs. I started to feel it and asked her to stop there. I immediately asked if she thought I was wimpy and she assured me after everything I'd endured, nothing could be farther than the truth.

I've had a lot of people ask me if the fills hurt. They don't hurt....but they're no walk in the park either. Have you ever seen the old movies where they hooked someone up to a device, by tying their hands to one end and their feet to another and slloowwllyy turned a wheel to stretch them out? Well that's what it feels like!

I still have one drain in from last weeks surgery (I think I'll have one forever) and I have some pain and discomfort from that. Then my back is sore, and I feel like I have a boulder on my chest. I've began sleeping in my bed again...I tried to lay on my side, but as I was going down my shoulder popped and it freaked me out so bad I haven't tried again. When I wake up, my chest feels really heavy. It's like I have something sitting on my chest, pushing me down that I have to try to fight against.

One thing that's been really weird is my right side is completely flat! Even though I had a TE and only 50 ccs in, it still was something! I am now completely flat.vso, I've ordered a fake boob to stuff my shirt with so I don't look completely freakish when I venture out into the world again. And just when I get to feeling normal BOOM it'll be time for my lat flap!

Since I have 750 ccs in my left side...I think that's a C cup, but I'm not sure! It's completely aggravating me not to know! I have to remember to ask my doctor...but I read somewhere that 250 ccs equals one cup size. When it's all over, she said I'll look like I had a breast reduction. Which sounds great to me!

So until then, I'm going to slowly try to get back to some semblance of normal...we will see how that goes :)