PREVIVOR: A person who is not diagnosed with cancer, but has survived the predisposition, or higher risk, of cancer due to a genetic mutation and/or strong family history. After being armed with this information, a previvor can make informed choices prior to a cancer diagnosis.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

10 (well 5) Things I Hate About my Situation

1. I hate relying on other people. I feel like my life isn't in my own hands anymore. I have to rely on the doctors to make good decisions and be skilled at what they do.. I have to rely on Mike or others to take pity on a poor broke soul and give me money. I can't even go to Starbucks without pleading for the money.

2. I hate the way I feel now. I try to be all cheery and brave but I'm TIRED.. And I want to cry..for no apparent reason. I know your breasts really don't have anything to do with menopause but I swear I've been thrown for a hormonal loop. I get hot flashes and I cry at everything. And I'm very touchy and sensitive and have a lot shorter fuse than normal.

3. I hate that I have yet to become a responsible adult and save money. And yes I intend to start as soon as I get back to working again.

4. I hate that I have to censor what I put on my blog based on how people will react.

5. I hate that I feel like I'm at the end of some people's support and kindness. Like this has been too trying and stressful of a situation for people to handle. I feel like I'm dangerously close to the end of some people's ropes. I hate that, it makes me sad but I don't know what to do. This is such a long and tiring process and I almost don't blame anyone who gets sick of hearing about it and having to watch from the sidelines as I go through it.

Ok so that post sounded pretty angry. I guess I'm just in a weird funk right now. I'm really not as angry as this post makes me sound. It's just that I'm at the point where it'd be real nice to get an unexpected surprise, preferably of the monetary persuasion :)


  1. Hang in there, Michelle! You are a strong woman and you will get through this. When do you go back to work? Let's get together soon! You can vent to me! :)

  2. Thank you for writing about this. I know it's worried me that I might feel those ways and be the only one.
    I hate that because of my husband's layoff we once again had to put off the surgery.

  3. Aww I'm sorry :( It'll come together I promise! If anything this process teaches you PATIENCE!!! And trust me- I have all sorts of nutty feelings. :)

  4. AMEN...

    Funny because I just posted a rant like blog post! I think it just comes with the territory.