Out with the old, in with the new....

I realized earlier tonight that this is the first time since I've started this blog that I've gone more than a week without writing a new entry. I used to look at people's blogs who would go 2-3 weeks between updates and think "Wow, I hope I get to the point where I don't NEED to update all of the time.." Am I there?? I honestly don't know yet.

I went to the doctor this past week to have a "secondary pre-op consult." I'm READY to get this surgery OVER WITH! According to my counter, I have 10 days. I've gotten the time off from work approved and am ready to go. Just need to get my pre-op blood work done this week. One weird thing- they haven't gotten the approval letter from my insurance company yet. Since I've swtitched jobs, I do have new insurance HOWEVER I've paid for COBRA for this very reason. The people in the doctor's office said there shouldn't be any problem so I'm going to try not to let it stress me. I told them that I'd just proceed like everything was ok until I heard otherwise from them.

I don't remember if I made reference to it or not, but one of things that I did for myself before surgery was to have boudoir pictures taken. Now, this was a semi-difficult thing for me to do. I've always had some body images issues so the idea of parading around shirtless and again in lingerie wasn't a thought that was incredibly appealing to me. However, I knew that I wanted to capture the way that I was naturally. And I wanted it better than me snapping a pic with my digital camera in  the bathroom. So when a friend of mine recommended this photographer (Made You Look Photography), I went for it. I finally got the finished product today (no ones fault..I just waited awhile to get the pictures) I'm so glad that I did it! They are by far the best pictures that I've ever taken. I've never seen that side of myself...now granted I probably won't be parading around the house in lingerie but it definitely has helped me have more confidence!

I've been asked why I felt the need to take pictures...why I'd want to remember something that tried to kill me. It's very hard to explain...but I'll try! I needed to be able to hold onto something from the past. I needed to have something tangible to grasp and look at and say "That's what I used to be"  I didn't want this PBM to erase the person I used to be.

Now, I know there may be people who are thinking ,"You only changed the size of your breasts...how have you changed that much?" Well,  a PBM..or any mastectomy for that matter, changes you greatly on an emotional level as well. I'd like to think that I've matured a little this past year. I certainly look at things differently and process things differently. Puts things into perspective, I guess. So yes my bra size did change, but my outlook on life changed too. When I stop and think about what I've been through...what I'm going through now...I'm almost surprised at my strength and resilience.

Do I know what the new me will be like? What the finished product will be? I'm not sure yet....stay tuned!

Old Me

New Me??