Christmas Break...so close yet so far....

I'm at the roughest time of the semester. Finals start tomorrow and I'm faced looking at my grades thinking "shoulda, coulda, woulda." Don't get me wrong I'm not a bad student by any means. There are just some things I wish I had done better. My teacher told me to stop stressing out about it, that I had been through alot this semester so it was understandable that my grades weren't fantastic. But they are passing so I'm not complaining too loud.

And yes, I should be studying right now. However, I needed a break. And the latest debacle with my insurance company is not helping. They sent me a letter saying that they denied my claim for my breast MRI I had back in October because of the fact that they couldn't "clinically justify" it. Then when I called to start the dispute process they told me it wasn't denied but that the claim had been ran through twice. Then they called me again and said it wasn't ran through twice, that it was approved but some of it applied to my deductible. They should really all get on the same page. I can only imagine what they'll be like when I actually  have my mastectomy.

I'm scheduled for my first plastic surgeon consult a week from tomorrow. I'm so nervous about it! I just have so many questions swirling around in my head that I'm scared I'll forget to ask something. I have never once second guessed my decision to go ahead with the surgery but I'm having some anxiety issues about it. Going on the FORCE website; on the message boards and chat rooms, I've learned that anxiety is VERY normal when you're counting down to the surgery. I've been advised to either try therapy or Ativan (anti-anxiety meds). Since this doctor apparently specializes in mastectomy reconstruction I'll ask her what she suggests. It's so hard to put a name to what I'm feeling. Most of the time I'm fine, but other times I'll get really sad and cry for no reason. Its like I have a split personality. Part of me is strong and can handle anything. "This is not your whole life, just a chapter in the story that is your life" is my mantra,. Then theres another part of me who wants to curl up in the fetal position, crying and saying "Woe is me" That part prevails until strong Michelle slaps the weaker part and gets them to shut up.Hopefully after the appointment with Dr. Cooper next week I'll start to feel better. Because I've got a long way to go before April!

And now I must get back to studying or BOTH parts of me are liable to start crying when I see my grades!

Until next time;

Michelle