PREVIVOR: A person who is not diagnosed with cancer, but has survived the predisposition, or higher risk, of cancer due to a genetic mutation and/or strong family history. After being armed with this information, a previvor can make informed choices prior to a cancer diagnosis.

Sunday, January 23, 2011


Ok so this sudden thought has struck three months my surgery will be over. I'll be laid up, with a flat chest, drains, and hopefully loads of fun pain meds. That seriously does not seem like that long. When I bravely told the doctor back in November that I wanted to have the surgery in April, it seemed lifetimes away, Now in less than three months I'll be having it. I seriously get light headed just thinking about it.

For those of you who have known me for awhile, you're probably asking yourself why I am so freaked out over this. Being that I have had 12 (I think, I've lost count) surgeries, 4 of which were brain surgeries, you'd think that I'd be a pro at this. Which I guess I am, in a way, because I have the whole routine down pat. But this is different. The one thing that I'm scared of, is having a feeling of profound regret after I wake up. I'm almost terrified of the moment when I realize that my breasts are gone and they're not coming back.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm making the right decision about having the suirgery. I'm just nervous...I'm all over the place. I know in the rational part of my brain that I'm making the right decision and my boobs ( that word!) will look so much better after I'm done. And the worry and stress will be over. Some people who are in the high risk category are fine doing increased surveillance. Not me. I am a big ball of worry every time I had a mammogram or MRI. I honestly cannot handle that amount of stress!

For now, I'm just going to continue to take it one day at a time. I'll try to have as much fun as possible for the next three months, so I'll at least have something good to think about and remember when I am laid up on pain meds :)



  1. One foot in front of the other, you can do it! xoxox

  2. Trust me, I'm trying :) Thanks for your support!

  3. wow! that's a lot of surgeries.

    honestly, i think you will wake up with profound peace and the fear will be gone. keep checking out pics of others remind yourself that we aren't in the stone age anymore and you will have beautiful breasts will just take a bit of time to rebuild them.

    this will be a test of character and i know you will come out shining on the other end, strong and knowing what you are made of.